Sunday, February 20, 2011
well, it's something new alright
many reasons why i changed my blog.
1. i need something to signify that i should be moving on?
2. changing blog is free. changing hairstyle or most stuff arent free.
3. the old blog has more blues than rhythm
everytime i try to get a fresh start in life again, i always think of the song 'the start of something new' from high school musical.
it's cheesy i know but.. sighs.
my friends would probably laugh at me if i actually name my new blog 'thestartofsomethingnew@blogspot.com' and ask if i am turning 21 or turning 12.
haha.
i guess.. like what a comic strip from 'for better or for worse'..
i need to force myself to think whether i am truly in love or just in need.
no matter how much it hurts.
so..
just wait.
i recieved so many affirmations about waiting
so.. i really have no other excuse not to wait.
i wish i could blame the adults in my life for making me feel as if i screwed up my life.
my uncle for telling me 'there is no love in reality. you just get married to one who you can work well with'
my mom for 'poisoning me with 'you cannot trust anyone. not even your future spouse'
my mom, again, with 'it is only natural that your friends will leave you one day and you will be all alone. you shouldn't be hurt by it'
and so on.
i supposed they mean well.
but if they didnt tell me all these, i wonder..
would i still be 'overly concious' and afraid??
i think.. maybe..
while teaching me, as a small kid, about what the world 'is really like'.. they failed to see it in a child's point of view and to really try and understand a kid's thought.
i think you should never tell a kid that love and friendship isn't real.
i realized recently, i came up with many reasons to blame my parents for my screwed up personality. i never thought that they, as my parents, and whatever they do.. actually affect my growing up till now.
oh boy.. even though i thought my growth was independent from the parents' factor.. i am so so wrong.
yes. my life is so screwed up. my mind was so so screwed up. it's getting better.. my mind, not life, i supposed.
but.. nahhh.. i can't blame my parents because they really mean well and.. they really gave so much to me and my brothers.
alright.
goodbye, for now, love.
maybe i'll see you down the road in a few years, yeah??
cheers.
samquek